80.

I think you’re the one, my one, i’m waiting. Anxious.

milkandapples

79.

Dejavu, is it really just a moment in time we have been to before. A do-over maybe, a defining point and a second chance to do it again in a different way. Which decision did we make the first time round to get another go and is the second one the right one?

milk and apples.

78.

I’m not calling you a liar,
Just don’t lie to me.
I’m not calling you a theif,
Just don’t steal from me,
I’m not calling you a ghost,
Just stop haunting me,
And i’ll love you so much,
I’m gonna let you,
Kill me.

There’s a ghost in my lungs
And it sighs in my sleep,
Wraps itself around my tongue,
as it softly speaks
then it walks,
then it walks with my legs

To Fall,
To Fall,
To Fall, at your feet.

though but for the grace of god go on

And when you kiss me, i’m happy enough to die.

I’m not calling you a liar,
Just don’t lie to me.
Ain’t i’ll love you so much,
I’m gonna let you
I’m not calling you a theif,
Just stop,
And i’ll love you so much,
I’m gonna let you,
Ohh,
I’m not calling you a ghost,
Just stop..

there’s a ghost in my mouth and it talks in my sleep
wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks
then it walks,
then it walks,
then it walks with my legs

to fall (x12)
at your feet

oh but for the grace of god go on
and when you kiss me i am happy enough

milkandapples

77.

Everyone is replaceable,
Because
Essentially we are nothing.

We are all skin and bones,
interchangeable
Different names we share with strangers.

Stealing what isn’t ours,
Time & air.

Like collectable cards,
Placed in memory like a display
The colours fade, the edges torn.
Traded for the ideal carbon copy card.

milk and apples

76.

How does one hold in all emotions without them bursting out, as if your body just spontaneously combusted, covering all around with things they don’t want weighing them down. My heart would land on you. That would be the heaviest part to hold. How ridiculous it is once we face up to our inner fears we turn and run from them as fast we can. It seems these days all everyone does is ignore themselves and spend the days finding ways to stay out of our own minds but try to stay in others minds. I don’t mind your mind, do you mind my mind?

I’ll bet good money
I’ll bet some beautiful money
That we could agree
With anybody here to disagree
That we could get up from the table
And nobody would know
You could leave your mouth talking
And follow me out the window
I’ve idled here as long as I can
I’ve taken my entertainment like a man
I’m all ribbons, scissors, flowers
And shaking hands
I’m a name and a black book
Attached to a face
At the back of your memory’s
Window display
It’s on the tip of your tongue,
I’m sure But I must away
Must be good to know people
Who know so many people
Must be good to be somebody,
Good to be somebody
They know
And the fastest of friends, the fastest of friends
I’m sure, we’ll all be
The fastest of friends, the fastest of friends
I’m sure we’ll remain
Die here in our deck chairs
Surrounded by beautiful shoes
Or hide out with me
Down at the bottom of the swimming pool
Climb the tower to the bell curve
That cuts and cuts so clean
Or shoot out sharpened arrows at
Their family trees
Cause I know no quicker way, dear
To the shiny gates of hell
Than a room full of handsome devils
Comparing everything to everything else
They just keep coming on
Like a driverless train
I can think of nothing adorable to say
It’s half past the hour,
Looks like rain
Do you like me?
Can I go now?
At the end of the yellow brick drive
Nobody waits for us
On our backs on the roof of the car
Watch the switchboard lighting up
And the fastest of friends, the fastest of friends
I’m sure we’ll all be
The fastest of friends, the fastest of friends
I’m sure we’ll remain
And don’t worry, baby
They won’t let the ship go down without us
And don’t worry baby
They won’t let the ship go down without us

milk+apples

75.

this fear of my old life
just may overcome me
cause all that i am is never enough
so scared that you’d forget
the day we started
my only hope is right by your side

so you know, and don’t go

i should give up my whole heart
instead of this half love
cause all that i am is never enough
what i would give up
what i’d surrender
to keep you here, safe in my arms

And i forgot that we would leave each other breathless
tonight will share such simple words
like “i need to go home and sleep now”

i should give up my whole heart
instead of this half love
cause all that i am is never enough
what i would give up
what i’d surrender
to keep you here, safe in my arms

we’ve come so far so i can’t recognise your smile
it’s in my ? every night

I have fallen far too many times
Just don’t ever let her him leave my side

milk and apples

74.

I tried to pass for nothing
But my dreams gave me away

milk and apples

73.

Lately when listening to music i keep finding myself composing imaginary mixtapes, be it about things, with a theme, to describe a point in my life or for people. All i keep doing is thinking, yes this one definitely. I think of getting out my blank tapes, sitting there with the cd’s, records, mp3′s and meticulously putting together these aural scrapbooks for you to sink into, i would even draw a paper cover, cut and paste the lyrics and maybe a book  of things to accompany the music. Then i take a breath and think, what if i put the songs in the wrong order, miss one out, find one even better too late to add. How will i collect all those little melodies and find them in time to pin them down on the one tape. Do you have a tape player? Will you get all i am trying to say through everyone elses words because my voice isn’t brave enough to speak them in my own awkward way. I watch High Fidelity, and i get even more confused about the rules of a mix tape, i think mine could never be good enough, just some childish attempt at showing i care, and how can you expect one reel of tape to hold all that you can’t. Now i am just going in over thinking circles about something that is essentially just not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. I’ve lost the train of verbal vomit so here are just a couple of songs i wish i could have locked down on a tape i was coming up with the other day….

Sarah Blasko – For You [the song that started it all off]
I’ve learnt a lot about you
In turn much about me too
I travelled across the sea
I wept for you

Emotions run deep
Between us friend
The time will come
For us again

We’re tired, we’re tired now
This ship almost ran a ground
We’ll lie and rest now
I’ll dream of you

Emotions run deep
Between good friends
But I do believe
In us again

I’ve heard, I’ve heard it said
That love, real love has no end
A cup overflowing now
I will believe, I must believe

Florence and The Machine – Drumming Song [mistaken stumble amazed me]

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you should hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

I ran to a tower where the church bells chime
I hoped that they would clear my mind
They left a ringing in my ear
But that drum’s beating loud and clear

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

I run to the river and dive straight in
I pray that the water will drown out the din
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn’t wash the echoes out
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn’t wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
Till there’s nothing left inside my soul
As empty as that beating drum
But the sound has just begun

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Possess Your Heart [creepy stalker song maybe? beautifully sounding though]

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can’t read.
Just yet.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass,
and I long for this mirrored perspective
when we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

You reject my… advances… and desperate pleas…
I won’t let you… let me down… so easily.
So easily.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

These next three i just couldn’t choose between, i am sure at a later date i could as i feel it is not right to have more than the one song per band, however how to choose….

Bright Eyes – False Advertising

On a string I was held.
The way that I move, can you tell?
My actions are orchestrated from above.
So I swing and I sway.
Wave my hand. Kick my leg.
And it is always right with the music.
“Until all that swaying starts to make you sick”
For a song I was bought.
Now I lie when I talk with a careful eye on the cue card.
Onto a stage, I was pushed with my sorrow well rehearsed.
So give me all your pity and your money. Now.
“We used to think that sound was something pure”
If I could act like this was my real life and not some cage where I’ve been placed,
then, I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake.
Now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes.
In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for the sunlight.
And I know what must change. Fuck my face. Fuck my name.
They are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don’t have.
Something true I have lacked and spent my whole life trying to make up for.
But I found in a song and in the people I love.
They will lift me up out of darkness.
Now my door stands open. I am inviting everyone in.
We’re gonna laugh, we’re gonna drink until the morning comes.
That is what we are going to do.

Bright Eyes – Bowl Of Oranges

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn’t wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said “{I am terribly sorry but} there is nothing I can do for you
{that} you can’t do for yourself.”
He said “Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help.”
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, “I think I’m cured. No, in fact, I’m sure.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile.”
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don’t help and you can’t compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I’m singing…
Baby don’t worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I’m gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can’t, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we’ll keep working on the problem we know we’ll never solve
Of Love’s uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

Bright Eyes – You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will

Well you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf.
I don’t take you out that often ’cause I know that I’ve completed you
and that’s why you are here.
That is the reason you stay here.
How awful that must feel.
You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
’cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind.
Are you the love of my lifetime? ‘Cause there have been times I have had my doubts.
We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house,
and I wish we were there now.
It took so long to figure out
what this book has been about.
Now I write when I’m away letters that you never read.
You said go to explore those other women,
the geography of their bodies
but there is just one map you’ll need.
You are a boomerang. You’ll see.
You will return to me.
You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
‘Cause if you don’t, then this book is all lies.
If you don’t, then my plans would all be ruined.
If you don’t, I’ll start drinking like the way I drank before.
And I just wont have a future anymore.
Clearly i would make the creepiest stalker type mixes that you would find in your letterbox and think, “is some one watching me, are they crazy” or maybe it’s just those songs lately, and i am sure many more to come. 

milk+apples

 

72.

do you ever come to accept you’re always second best?

one day i’ll be worth it.

always the inferior,

milk and apples

.71

The moment i start to write is the moment i forget all the words that are meant to mean the most. The ones that are meant to get across all that i feel or need to express when your not right there. I pause this, like i pause everything else, hoping that when i come back to it, it will let me. Not making sense is all that makes sense to me these days, when you realise the hate is just a lie you tell yourself to make it easier. It’s not easier, but it isn’t harder either, it’s hope and fear. Cursed, ruined, destroyed etc etc, i embrace them all and all their cliche repercusions. I embraced you in a place that can not be escaped. I’m sorry.

milk and apples