73.

Lately when listening to music i keep finding myself composing imaginary mixtapes, be it about things, with a theme, to describe a point in my life or for people. All i keep doing is thinking, yes this one definitely. I think of getting out my blank tapes, sitting there with the cd’s, records, mp3′s and meticulously putting together these aural scrapbooks for you to sink into, i would even draw a paper cover, cut and paste the lyrics and maybe a book  of things to accompany the music. Then i take a breath and think, what if i put the songs in the wrong order, miss one out, find one even better too late to add. How will i collect all those little melodies and find them in time to pin them down on the one tape. Do you have a tape player? Will you get all i am trying to say through everyone elses words because my voice isn’t brave enough to speak them in my own awkward way. I watch High Fidelity, and i get even more confused about the rules of a mix tape, i think mine could never be good enough, just some childish attempt at showing i care, and how can you expect one reel of tape to hold all that you can’t. Now i am just going in over thinking circles about something that is essentially just not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. I’ve lost the train of verbal vomit so here are just a couple of songs i wish i could have locked down on a tape i was coming up with the other day….

Sarah Blasko – For You [the song that started it all off]
I’ve learnt a lot about you
In turn much about me too
I travelled across the sea
I wept for you

Emotions run deep
Between us friend
The time will come
For us again

We’re tired, we’re tired now
This ship almost ran a ground
We’ll lie and rest now
I’ll dream of you

Emotions run deep
Between good friends
But I do believe
In us again

I’ve heard, I’ve heard it said
That love, real love has no end
A cup overflowing now
I will believe, I must believe

Florence and The Machine – Drumming Song [mistaken stumble amazed me]

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you should hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

I ran to a tower where the church bells chime
I hoped that they would clear my mind
They left a ringing in my ear
But that drum’s beating loud and clear

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

I run to the river and dive straight in
I pray that the water will drown out the din
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn’t wash the echoes out
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn’t wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
Till there’s nothing left inside my soul
As empty as that beating drum
But the sound has just begun

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

There’s a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you’re around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

Death Cab For Cutie – I Will Possess Your Heart [creepy stalker song maybe? beautifully sounding though]

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can’t read.
Just yet.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass,
and I long for this mirrored perspective
when we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

You reject my… advances… and desperate pleas…
I won’t let you… let me down… so easily.
So easily.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

These next three i just couldn’t choose between, i am sure at a later date i could as i feel it is not right to have more than the one song per band, however how to choose….

Bright Eyes – False Advertising

On a string I was held.
The way that I move, can you tell?
My actions are orchestrated from above.
So I swing and I sway.
Wave my hand. Kick my leg.
And it is always right with the music.
“Until all that swaying starts to make you sick”
For a song I was bought.
Now I lie when I talk with a careful eye on the cue card.
Onto a stage, I was pushed with my sorrow well rehearsed.
So give me all your pity and your money. Now.
“We used to think that sound was something pure”
If I could act like this was my real life and not some cage where I’ve been placed,
then, I could tell you the truth like I used to and not be afraid of sounding fake.
Now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes.
In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for the sunlight.
And I know what must change. Fuck my face. Fuck my name.
They are brief and false advertisements for a soul I don’t have.
Something true I have lacked and spent my whole life trying to make up for.
But I found in a song and in the people I love.
They will lift me up out of darkness.
Now my door stands open. I am inviting everyone in.
We’re gonna laugh, we’re gonna drink until the morning comes.
That is what we are going to do.

Bright Eyes – Bowl Of Oranges

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn’t wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said “{I am terribly sorry but} there is nothing I can do for you
{that} you can’t do for yourself.”
He said “Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help.”
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, “I think I’m cured. No, in fact, I’m sure.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile.”
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don’t help and you can’t compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I’m singing…
Baby don’t worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I’m gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can’t, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we’ll keep working on the problem we know we’ll never solve
Of Love’s uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.

Bright Eyes – You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will

Well you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf.
I don’t take you out that often ’cause I know that I’ve completed you
and that’s why you are here.
That is the reason you stay here.
How awful that must feel.
You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
’cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind.
Are you the love of my lifetime? ‘Cause there have been times I have had my doubts.
We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house,
and I wish we were there now.
It took so long to figure out
what this book has been about.
Now I write when I’m away letters that you never read.
You said go to explore those other women,
the geography of their bodies
but there is just one map you’ll need.
You are a boomerang. You’ll see.
You will return to me.
You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
‘Cause if you don’t, then this book is all lies.
If you don’t, then my plans would all be ruined.
If you don’t, I’ll start drinking like the way I drank before.
And I just wont have a future anymore.
Clearly i would make the creepiest stalker type mixes that you would find in your letterbox and think, “is some one watching me, are they crazy” or maybe it’s just those songs lately, and i am sure many more to come. 

milk+apples

 

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milk and apples

.47

 

milk and apples

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My life in others images.

more to come…..

milk and apples

.39

Milk and Apples

.35

this is war.
every line is about,
who i don’t wanna write about anymore.

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

milk and apples

.34

Turn up at my door.

 

milk and apples

.22

a brain that never stops ticking / sometimes an on-off switch would sure come in handy / a mind that’s constantly cutting up and dissecting / looking for answers committing murders along the way

is it the red wire or the blue wire / just pick one and cut / it just doesn’t matter anymore / or did it ever / cause I could never control when the bomb would explode

milk and apples

11.

Two in the one. AMAZING

milk and apples